My Journey to Self Improvement

So this journey is not going so well. I am not sure if it is lack of will power or if I am being assisted. About a month ago I decided that I was ready to quit smoking. Three weeks ago I started to take Chantix to help me with that. Well my husband who is also a smoker and was always the one who said we should quit, always lecturing me about how bad it is for us and so on, really has not been supportive of me. More times than not he will sit next to me on the couch and procede to light up! Piss me off. No reguard for what I am doing, it is not like he didn't know it was coming. I had to wait 2 weeks before I could see my doc and another week before my insurance company approved my prescription. So here I am craving a smoke after not smoking all day. So it is the same idea with losing weight. No support at all. I wanted to go to the gym and he gets all pissed off and says he loves me just the way I am. Thanks honey but I am not buying it. You told me what you use to think of me before I gained the weight and you also told me what other men had said. So it is not that you love me just the way I am, it is the fact that you don't have to worry about who is looking at me and what they are thinking!!

It's Monday

and I am back at my dead end go nowhere job! Yeah for me...I am really starting to think it is time for a new job.
Apparently Motor Mouth came in on Saturday..for what??? All she does is milk the company Monday through Friday...she spends 1/2 her day bullshitting and nobody seems to care enough to say anything. Why?
You have the Kiss Ass who has his head so far up management's ass you are not sure where he ends and they begin. He is another one who has weaseled his way into doing pretty much nothing all day.
You have Big Man who is pretty much milking the clock too...All though he is not a kiss ass he sure likes to gossip and talk about who ever he can ...whether it be good or bad.
The there is Wee-Man..he is having a tough time with his mom and really is about the only one who does not irritate me to the core.
Then there is one more...Maple Man...he works pretty hard while he is here, is personality sucks and you can't trust him as far as you can throw him but he pretty much is ok..

SOOOO

Not much going on...My boy cat got fixed yesterday..poor guy! He is doing much better this morning. My husband is as crazy as normal. I am actually beginning to feel myself pull away from him and it scares me. I love his so much yet I can't get past his behavior. My son ...well he has his own problems and I am starting to blame myself for them...he is having severe impulsively problems and stuff. He has been going to counseling but it doesn't seem to help. What's a girl to do??? I just wish life was so much easier..I really am not sure ehat I can do anymore.
Work is the same..still stuck in a rut..

Today is

my birthday. Let's just say I am not thrilled, I turned 31 years old today. This morning I got no Happy Birthdays from anyone in my house. Oh well...they certainly don't let me forget about their b-days.

So I have been taking Chantix...the pill for smokers....for almost 2 weeks now. I sleep like crap and get some serious heartburn. They do seem to work though, I went from 1 pack a day (sometimes more) to 1 pack every 3 days. Not to shabby as far as I am concerned. I do find that I tend to eat alot more, so I will be returning to Weight Watchers just until I get a grip on this no smoking adventure.

My son is off punishment early...He had a good report card 2 A's 2 B's and the rest C's. Last marking period his report card was terrible..c's, f's d's. He has some learning disabilities and such. But he is doing ok...

Smoking

So 5 days ago I decided to quit smoking. There is a new pill out and I thought I might give it a try. It is call Chantix and it is supposed to shut of the receptors in your brain that trigger the need or want for a cigarette. So far so good, no side effect to speak of. I have been taking 1/2 mg twice daily for the past few days. On day 8 I will start taking 1 mg twice a day. That is when the real fun begins!!! I hope this works, I have been a smoker since I was 12 years old. I will be 31 in 5 days. So that would be 19 years.....geez...more than 1/2 my life...