My Journey to Self Improvement

So this journey is not going so well. I am not sure if it is lack of will power or if I am being assisted. About a month ago I decided that I was ready to quit smoking. Three weeks ago I started to take Chantix to help me with that. Well my husband who is also a smoker and was always the one who said we should quit, always lecturing me about how bad it is for us and so on, really has not been supportive of me. More times than not he will sit next to me on the couch and procede to light up! Piss me off. No reguard for what I am doing, it is not like he didn't know it was coming. I had to wait 2 weeks before I could see my doc and another week before my insurance company approved my prescription. So here I am craving a smoke after not smoking all day. So it is the same idea with losing weight. No support at all. I wanted to go to the gym and he gets all pissed off and says he loves me just the way I am. Thanks honey but I am not buying it. You told me what you use to think of me before I gained the weight and you also told me what other men had said. So it is not that you love me just the way I am, it is the fact that you don't have to worry about who is looking at me and what they are thinking!!

Today is

my birthday. Let's just say I am not thrilled, I turned 31 years old today. This morning I got no Happy Birthdays from anyone in my house. Oh well...they certainly don't let me forget about their b-days.

So I have been taking Chantix...the pill for smokers....for almost 2 weeks now. I sleep like crap and get some serious heartburn. They do seem to work though, I went from 1 pack a day (sometimes more) to 1 pack every 3 days. Not to shabby as far as I am concerned. I do find that I tend to eat alot more, so I will be returning to Weight Watchers just until I get a grip on this no smoking adventure.

My son is off punishment early...He had a good report card 2 A's 2 B's and the rest C's. Last marking period his report card was terrible..c's, f's d's. He has some learning disabilities and such. But he is doing ok...

Smoking

So 5 days ago I decided to quit smoking. There is a new pill out and I thought I might give it a try. It is call Chantix and it is supposed to shut of the receptors in your brain that trigger the need or want for a cigarette. So far so good, no side effect to speak of. I have been taking 1/2 mg twice daily for the past few days. On day 8 I will start taking 1 mg twice a day. That is when the real fun begins!!! I hope this works, I have been a smoker since I was 12 years old. I will be 31 in 5 days. So that would be 19 years.....geez...more than 1/2 my life...

WHAT A WEEK!!!

WOW…were to start?!?!.....I have had one hell of a week. First time I have stopped to take the time to write anything….Let’s see


Tuesday: I get a call from school, my son found a cell phone and instead of turning it in, he took it home. Ok I can deal with that no problemo, well what is worse is he makes the phone his own. He deleted all the stuff AND added his own numbers, made a few calls and downloaded some stuff. It kills me to think that he knew this was wrong yet he chose to do it!!!

Wednesday: I get a call from school, he has been suspended for 3 days! He deserves it that is for sure. Def not what I wanted to hear, that’s for sure. So now he is in huge trouble at home!! I go home and decided that I needed to do a room sweep. Never found anything else BUT did discover that he was smoking….geez…what am I gunna do now? I started to smoke when I was his age (12) so I know I can’t scream and yell, especially consider in I still smoke 19 years later..

Thursday: Not so bad…been working ½ days due to Zachary’s suspension. I kinda like it actually!!

Friday: All is well, crazy days at work due to being on ½ days but it is manageable. Well Friday night was a little less to be desired. My husband who drinks a lot,(he is an alcoholic, knows it and of course does nothing but talk about how he wants to do something about it) and can act like an asshole went on one of his rants till about 2 am.

I will touch on each one of these another time...big punishments for my son and some equally big consequences for my husband are coming.