I Am So Tired

Sometimes I wish life was perfect, sometimes I wish I could say I love life, when in fact I don't.

My son drives me crazy and I often wonder what I did wrong do deserve such a nightmare of a child. For the first time in 13 years I am saying "I hate my son". Some of you may think I am a bit harsh and cruel, when in fact my son is that person. He is mean to people, rude, selfish, uncaring and he acts like a complete asshole. Quite honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. He was suspended from school last week. I fight for him tooth and nail and he gets kicked off the bus this week. He makes me look like a bad mother and I can't stand it anymore. I am so embarrassed by him and he doesn't even care. As I sit her typing this post, the reality has set in for me. I hurt so much inside by saying that it has brought tears to my eyes. This is because at the same time I love him and I have tried to do everything I can for him, all I get in return is shame and embarrassment.

Other parents must think that I am a monster, I mean is the misconception that we have raised our kids this way. We must condone the behaviors and we must not care. For me that is not true at all. I didn't ask to have my son grow up and be a, well, an asshole. I didn't teach him to behave this way, so why does he do this??? It is one thing after another and it feels like it will never stop..

I wish, I wish that I could go to sleep, wake up and have my nightmare come to an end..

Tomorrow though, I will wake up and my nightmare will just continue for another day.